Adopting Asher

Our adoption story has been revealed to our family!  We want to give God the glory He is due, for He is working powerfully in our lives and in the lives of those around us... it seems selfish and fruitless NOT to shout this from the mountaintops… our hope and prayer is that this story would bring you great joy and encouragement in whatever circumstances you currently face.

Asher’s Adoption Story:

 

After years of anticipation, our family began the adoption process in October of 2014.  God had put it on our hearts to adopt a child (not necessarily a newborn).  We had already contacted the Department of Human Services and begun to partner with them when God moved ours hearts to immediately stop moving in our current direction and apply  with Crisis Pregnancy Outreach.  At the time, it didn’t make sense to us, because God had put it on our hearts to adopt a child from a hard situation that wasn’t a newborn- and we had no idea how He could ask us to do that while also using CPO (Crisis Pregnancy almost exclusively assists in newborn adoptions)  But we knew that He is the King of Kings, and if He wanted us to use CPO, we needed to become volunteers at CPO, so we obeyed. 

We were approved, our home study finished in December 2014 and the first week of January we turned in our lifebook  and began "waiting" to be chosen by a birthmom. 

 

On May 26th, we were informed that a birthmom in Michigan had viewed our lifebook online and wanted to interview us.  She had a 6 month old boy, Asher.  Everyone was hesitant because an out of state adoption can get 'a little tricky' (and we should be clear that TECHINICALLY  it wasn't even a real adoption, because they were not Oklahoma residents at the time, she needed to live in Tulsa for 6 months before she could actually relinquish her parental rights… But we were all hopeful and excited that an adoption was in the future)  Many doubted she would actually get on a plane to come to Tulsa at all, because “no one does that.”  Low and behold, the next day Alyana arrived in Tulsa.  (We later found out that she looked at many other lifebooks and wasn't even planning to interview anyone except for us.  To this day she will only explain her choice with "I just liked you guys." We know this can only be explained by favor from the Lord)  We met her in the evening to eat pizza.  We ended up having a lot in common and got along surprisingly well.  She "chose" us officially. 

 (Can I just say that when a mother tells you she is choosing you to parent her child there is no sufficient response?  All I could say was “Thank you...” It was so awkward!!)

The next day (May 28, 2015)  we all signed guardianship papers, she gave us her son and we took him home. 

 

On June 2, we all (including Alyana) became aware that Asher's birthfather wasn't comfortable with the adoption.  He was surprised and hurt- he now desired full custody.  Since the jurisdiction for a legal battle belonged to Michigan, it was time for Alyana and Asher to return home.  On June 3, we packed the car and got ready to take him back to Alyana.  I had a painful discussion with our CPO assistant about 'failed adoptions' and counseling available to us as we processed our loss, Chase came home from work to say goodbye to Asher before he left... About an hour later, CPO called  back to  share that Alyana's lawyer felt we should wait until birthdad was 100% sure he was ready to take legal action before calling off the adoption. We unpacked the car, stopped crying, and began to 'wait.' 

5 more weeks went by...

 It was time we were so grateful for because it gave us time to accept God's care for this baby and His power and sovereignty over the situation.  We were able to find and rest in a place of patience, gratefulness and great expectation regardless of the outcome.  We prayed for Asher’s life and future.  (We did not stop asking the Lord  to keep him in our family, but we did confess our desires for His will to be done regardless of our own)

On July 6th, we became aware that Birthdad was ready to reclaim Asher. Powerless, we scheduled the next day to give Asher back to Alyana and send them on a long drive back home to Michigan.  I packed up his belongings, wrote goodbye letters to mom and Asher. It was over.  Gratefully, we felt released by the Lord with confidence that He had planned this and we had obeyed.  We didn't understand,  but we were sure that we were in the middle of His will and He would bring good things to Asher and good things for us, even if it didn't look like the good things we had imagined and begged for.  We were SO grateful that God asks for our OBEDIENCE and NOT RESULTS. (the results are His alone)

 

On July 7th I drove to the CPO office with two children.  About an hour later, I drove home with one. 

 

                                           Alyana and Asher made it home safely to Michigan. 

                                                                           We began to start wondering...

“now what?”                                                                                                                         

 

On July 8th, I got a phone call that I was not expecting.  Birthdad had read the letters I had written as goodbyes.  His heart was changed as he realized that Asher was meant to be a part of our family.  Birthdad consented to the adoption (another miracle from Jesus) and He, Alyana and Asher all flew back to Tulsa to return Asher to us and restart the adoption process.  2 weeks later, (July 24 2015)  both parents had relinquished their rights and our adoption petition had been filed by the State of Oklahoma.  Although it will not finalize for several more months, Asher has joined our family!! 

We are speechless at the ways that God has worked in this situation. We couldn’t even list all of the ways that He prepared me (Ashley) and Alyana for each other, Siren and Asher for each other, the timing of our schedules and location, the emotional and spiritual support we have available… so many of the circumstances with the birth family were beautifully timed.  More than anything, I was in awe of how PREPARED my heart seemed to be for each event that happened (and this is the SHORT version of the events!!!) and we are extremely grateful to the Holy Spirit for faithfully guiding us through this emotional and exhausting trial/opportunity.

Not only has this adoption story become something to rejoice in, but I have also been SO blessed as I was able to join with Alyana in her season of life.  It led me to recall and proclaim the victories God has brought forth in my life after the valleys I had traveled through before coming to know Him face to face.  My gratefulness to Him has been so renewed and magnified for all He has done in the outward circumstances of my life and in the inmost depths of my heart.

 

We know that our current financial needs are not difficult for God- He created the world. He brings life and death.  He rules the heavens. He holds everything in His hand.  Since our story began with much uncertainty, we were unable to fundraise for the first few months.  So far, we have spent about 12,000.00 towards our adoption, mostly out of our savings.  A fair amount of this is for our lawyer, who is working extra hard to smooth out complications between the states of Oklahoma and Michigan.  We will owe at LEAST another 4,000.00 before we finalize.  It is hard to anticipate a final cost at this point, approximately 18,000.00 seems to be a reasonable guess.  Many options are available to help us financially.  Our friend Melissa Watson is setting up a NOONDAY jewelry showing at Asher's shower (this October) which will donate 20% of profits to our adoption costs.  Even those who are unable to attend the shower can support our adoption by making purchases online through our trunk show, so spread the word ;)   Our baby shower will have a raffle and some other fun ways to be supportive.  I am also selling baby/toddler hats and some other handmade items.  We have just received news that we will be supported by Lifesong's Karis Fund  !!!!  We are now able to receive online donations that are tax deductible   AND Lifesong is going to MATCH the first 3,000.00 we raise!!!  I will post information on how to contribute to our Karis Fund soon.
 

We still have some details to work out but are excited to share the beginnings of our plans to permanently bring Asher into our family. Please feel free to contact us with further questions (we MIGHT have answers!).  Thank you!
-Chase, Ashley, Siren and Asher


But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.
2 corinthians 2:14